LETTERS: Advice for the Royal couple before moving to Victoria

The Royal couple should be forewarned of the inhabitants on the most westerly island of the Empire. Vancouver Islanders are polite but we do love to complain. There are a few things the Royal couple need to know.

If choosing to reside in a Greater Victoria neighbourhood, there are 13 kingdoms from which to choose. Each has its unique set of bylaws. There is no red carpet treatment for those planning to build. Expect a long path bound with red tape.

Politics: We have been promised that soon or “tomorrow,” we will have free transit, free university courses and Uber ride sharing. As taxpayers, we know that nothing is free and tomorrow never comes. We spend millions on bike paths, and potholes are the new speed bumps. The Canadian dollar is a little loonie and you’ll need a pocketful.

The couple should plan ahead when leaving the Island. Expect BC Ferry schedules to be disrupted by high winds or mechanical failures. If exiting via the Malahat route, they should be prepared for its accidental closures.

Rationale: Our transportation failures prevent our town from being overrun by tourists.

Points of interest: Vancouver Island’s paparazzi are just locals that take selfies with celebrities.

If planning to purchase real estate, be prepared to pay a “king’s ransom.” The term affordable housing has been removed from the local dictionary.

They shouldn’t be surprised if angry Victoria taxpayers try and sell them a bridge.

Welcome to Paradise. Chin up, let your smile be your umbrella. The Island is a great place to raise your kids, just don’t tell anyone. The locals are still unaware, it’s Victoria’s Secret.

Art Bickerton

Saanich

Royal family

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