Opinion

Throttle Therapy hits the road

Everybody likes their top 10 lists. So, given that this is my last Throttle Therapy for Black Press, I thought I’d leave you with my own top 10.

10.When contemplating gear, consider holding a belt sander against your body at high speed. Next, think about what you want to have between you and that belt sander. Dress accordingly.

9. If you attend a motorcycle safety school, you WILL have nightmares about being caught riding without a helmet.

8.  If you’re a new rider, wait 10 years to get a second helmet. Then, you won’t have to say “No.”

7.  If you do take passengers, nothing says “I really really really hate you” more than letting your passenger wear shorts, sandals and a tank top.

6. Don’t tailgate. That passive-aggressive nonsense is okay if you’re in an 18 wheeler, your dog needs to pee, your cat’s in labour, and you’re a thousand miles away from the nearest vet. But when you are the most vulnerable traveller on the road, it’s much wiser to accept being delayed by a couple of minutes. Drop back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

5. Assume everyone else on the road is an idiot, assume they are all texting while driving, and assume they are out to get you. This will have you on your toes, always thinking of an escape plan.

4. Choose your riding buddies wisely, grasshopper. Make sure you are all either equally anal or all equally relaxed. A mis-match in riding aspirations is sure-fire way to ruin a good friendship.

3. If you’re a macho rider wanting the passenger to hang on tight because, um, it makes you feel good about yourself, kindness and honesty last longer. That quick-acceleration trick is lame. And temporary.

2. It’s okay to swear. Whatever is said inside your helmet with the visor down stays inside your helmet. Unless of course you have an intercom system. In which case, this is a top nine list for you.

1.  Wave. Dammit.

And that, my dear riding readers, is that. Keep your side stands up and the rubber side down.

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